Ralph Melton (ralphmelton) wrote,
Ralph Melton
ralphmelton

Name thing

It's about as accurate as Kabbalarians:


Literal meaning
"The One with an unjustified capital O."


History
Illegal before being given amnesty around 11am, the name Ralph was originally used indulgently to refer to unsettlingly enthusiastic night soil collectors, before the Visigoths swept down from the hills.


Famous Ralphs
1. Ralph B Tidecatcher, for a time, in their own mind, romantically linked with the paper aeroplane; ghost-writer of Richard Stilgoe's posturingly lurid autobiography, SEE YOU IN HELL;
2. Judge Ralph O'Happenstance, co-habitee of two people associated with the hovering cinema;
3. Chief Scientist Ralph Nivea, channeller under supernatural influences of the world's most attractive bucket;
4. Ralph Smmith, director of the new Bond movie, ROBOT STAMPING MAYHEM A-GO-GO; first holder of the office of Ruler of the World in Exile;
5. Ralph Quoits, fascinated to death by unspeakable guilt; ghost-writer of Peter Lawford's heavily censored autobiography, I WAS MONTY'S THUG;
6. Ralph Jesus, PhD, opponent of edible bark; ghost-writer of Ming the Merciless's cousin's autobiography, YES, I THOUGHT I WAS DEAD TOO;
7. Ralph de la Frewsy ("The Celebrated Juggler"), who could never shake an early association with the definitive manual on drowning;
8. Ralph L Q Nightdodge ("The Reasonably Broadly Educated"), populariser of the world's most popular cosh;
9. Ralph Toot, reputedly trapped for eleven days under a fallen monument to a musical quiz show based on the Nanjing Massacre; ghost-writer of Margaret Rutherford's expressionist autobiography, SUDDENLY I'M LITERATE;
10. Ralph ap Grating-Nootlooter, named in court as holding compromising material concerning the self-aware vacuum cleaner.


Typical Ralph motto
"Ralph! Ralph! Ralph! Ralph! Yaaaaay!"

<a href="http://theweekly.co.uk/4801/your_name_here/index.cgi>Decipher Your Name Here</a> </lj-cut> I could do worse than a motto of "Ralph! Ralph! Ralph! Ralph! Yaaaaay!"
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